Friday 9 December 2016

What's the purpose of my being a priest?

In January, 11 months ago, I wrote this post about my existential crisis 'is being a priest what I was born to do', how will I know if I've succeeded at life, and should I try and plan my life with goals to achieve?

Since then I have surrendered to God, plus started the discernment process which will hopefully lead to a conclusive answer to the question of my calling. But these last few months working at St Martin's, I've begun to be plagued by questions going beyond whether I'm meant to be a priest.

If the answer's yes (of which I am convinced) then what is the purpose of 'Rev. Georgina'? This person in my future, who is she called to serve? Basically, as the kitty says:

WHY GOD WHY!!!

So even though I swore off vocations events, a few women from the SMITF congregation were going to London Calling: Young Women, so I went along as a veteran to support them. It was a great event, and I actually got a few things from it.

  • Liz Adekunle, the Archdeacon of Hackney, was pretty cool, and she used the phrase about women priests being "used creatively" which was the first thing I wrote down, as it struck a chord.
  • The chaplains Julia Candy and Natalie Garnett spoke of being a 'point of contact with God' and "letting people know they're precious".
  • Carys Walsh said that mission and evangelism means "enabling the people of God".
And since the event, I read this in a book by my vicar, Sam Wells - "the person who speaks to God for the people and speaks to the people on behalf of God."

These sort of things have been stewing in me as I contemplate how to be who I am for other people, and what that might look like once I'm a priest. I'm not expecting to figure it out any time soon. I've spent the last 10 years figuring out who I am and what a priest is and how those two go together; if I get recommended to training, I'll be spending 6-7 years figuring out what's beyond that.

The question has been asked and the process has begun, and of course it's not ultimately down to me - God will take me through it and revelation will happen when all is in place and ready. I know that; this isn't me trying to set out a career plan. This is me realising that having accepted who I'm meant to be, and whilst the Church are deciding whether they agree, I should start contemplating why I'm supposed to be a priest.

What am I meant to do with it? What am I meant to do with all the blessings and opportunities I've been given? What's it all for? What does God want me to do once I am a priest? What's my purpose?